haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
