standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
