my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
