The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
