so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
