She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize