guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
