Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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