Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
