he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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