and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Randomize
