dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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