He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
