I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
