david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize