Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
