I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
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