I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
