I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize