she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
