if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
