Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
