i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
