i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
