before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize