Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He shit in the fireplace
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
