The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
My ATM looks so different sober.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
