she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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