I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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