So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
