This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
