I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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