the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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