dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Less talking, more tequila
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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