Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
