Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
