everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
