Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
