Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Panties = found
Randomize