Pappa wants mamma naked
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
