i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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