Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize