How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
