I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
