i would punch a child for taco bell
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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