I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
