And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize