I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
