He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize