pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
