who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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