So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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