you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
