I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I FOUND THE LEGS
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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