don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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