i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
thus making me awesome and them whores
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize