He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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