Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Boobs are out for the taking
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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