So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize