you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
