I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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