I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
