playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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