I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
