Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize
