i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I want to fling myself into the sun
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
