Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
