i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
