Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
