I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
