how can u be prego again
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
