you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
