I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
